LOVE , LIFE AND GOD

WELL,WHEN ONE IS PRETTY MUCH HITTING DEPRESSION AND SO DEVASTATED WITH THE CIRCUMSTANCES AROUND HIM,CONFUSION OCCURS...SOME PEOPLE TEND TO FIND A SUBSTITUTE OF SOMETHING THEY THINK WILL EASE THEMSELVES OF THE PAIN AND KEEP WALLOWING THEMSELVES IN IT,SAVOURING EVERY MOMENT HOWEVER TEMPORAL THE PERSON KNOWS THAT SUBTITUTE WILL BRING OF ITS SATISFACTION, SOME JUST SUPPRESS ALL THE PAIN AND DENYS OF THEMSELVES THAT A SITUATION NEVER HAPPENED BUT THEN AGAIN A SCAR WAS LEFT TO ROT IN HIS SOUL, THE WELLSPRING OF HIS/HER EMOTIONS.
BUT WHEN WE KNOW THAT WE SHARE AND IDENTIFY OURSELVES AND OUR SUFFERING WITH AND IN CHRIST'S AND AS MUCH AS WE HAVE BEEN CRUCIFIED IN AND WITH HIM AND RESURRECTED IN AND WITH HIM,ALL THE SCARS WILL BE HEALED BY HIS STRIPES.HE IS OUR SUBSTITUTE AND THERE IS NO NEED FOR US TO FIND TEMPORAL RELEASE AND SATISFACTION ANYWHERE ELSE. HE SAYS I AM THE WAY ,THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE SO WE DON'T HAVE TO "GET A LIFE!!!" ANYWHERE ELSE AS MUCH AS WE SHOILDN'T PAY OUR FINES AND BILLS ANYWHERE ELSE BUT AT THE AXS MACHINE -_-" BUT WELL OUR DEBTS HAD ALREADY BEEN PAID SO WHY GO TO THE AXS MACHINE? AS HE IS THE WAY AND THE TRUTH IS THAT OUR DEBTS WERE PAID THROUGH JESUS'S DEATH AND THE POWER OF HIS RESURRECTION GAVE US TOO THE POWER TO HAVE ACCESS TO GOD AND THE "POWER TO CONNECT" AS WE ARE ALREADY CALLED TO BE AS HE IS THE VINE AND WE ARE THE BRANCHES.AND WE HAVE TO REMAIN CONNECTED AND THING IS WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY SUBSCRIPTION FEES FOR WIRELESS NETWORKING.
AND WE SO CALLED "KIASU" SINGAPOREANS JUST DON'T WANT TO GET HOLD OF ETERNAL LIFE? ACCESS TO GOD? GIFTS? AND SPECIAL COVENANT RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD,A RELATIONSHIP MOSES AND ABRAHAM HAD IN BEING ABLE TO TALK TO GOD AS FRIENDS.WHAT MORE CAN WE ASK FOR AS HE IS MORE THAN WE CAN BARGAIN FOR? DIGRESSING? NOPE...HE REVIVED ME AT THREE MONTHS OLD FROM THE GRIM FACE OF DEATH AND I OWE IT ALL TO HIM MAN! AT 10 YRS OF AGE, I FELT THE SENSITIVITY OF THE HOLY SPIRIT ON MY LIFE AND AT 12 DEDICATED MYSELF TO HIM...I FAIL MANY A TIMES YET HIS GRACE AND FAITHFULNESS NEVER FAILS. FROM WEAKNESS HE TURNED INTO STRENGTH THIS GIFT OF WRITTING. THANK YOU GOD
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM WAS THAT OF AN EXTENT HE SOMETIMES ASKS ME "MERVIN, HOW DO THINK I'LL BE MOVING IN THE SERVICE TONIGHT?" OR HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO MOVE?" HE ASKED "LIKE A RAGING FIRE OR RUSHING WATERS LIKE TAT OF ONE BREAKING A DAM.? RIDICULOUS YOU MIGHT THINK...BUT I NOW SAY "LORD,MOVE IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY"
HE KNOWS MY HEART AND HE REVEALS HIMSELF TO ME THAT I MAY KNOW HIM IN DEPTH OF INTIMACY. I SAW HOW MY FRIENDSHIP WAS ALWAYS IN HIS HANDS EVEN WITH A GIRL I LIKED AND GREW TO LOVE.WE QUARRELLED FREQUENTLY.THE QUARRELS WE HAD WERE THAT OF ME ACTING ON MY OWN 'FEELINGS'...AND THAT OF SUCH INFACTUATION THAT THIS KIND OF QUARRELS CAN'T BRING US CLOSER BUT DRIFT US FURTHER BUT I PRAY THAT GOD BE MY MEDIATOR AND INTERCEDE ON MY BEHALF AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT SOON AFTER. WELL AFTER MUCH, FEELINGS SUBSUDES, LOVE ISNT SOMETHING THAT IS BASED ON FEELINGS BUT ON CHRIST'S LOVE AND DEVOTION. LIKEWISE TO HER I'LL SHOW THE SAME THOUGH WE DON'T TALK MUCH NOW. I DON'T WANT TO TALK IN CASE FEELINGS OVERWHELMS AND CAUSES WHAT I SAY TO HURT AND CUT DEEP.I WANT NOW TO FOCUS ON GOD,AND I WANT MY WORDS TO GIVE LIFE AS I HAVE HURT HER WITH WORDS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR.CARELESS WORDS *SHAKES HEAD* SAID ONLY TO ONLY REALISE LATER IT HURTS ME TO HURT HER."NOTHING IS GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU"
THE ONLY THING CHANGED IS MY ATTITUDE AND OF WHOSE LOVE I AM LOVING YOU WITH.
RECENTLY I LOOKED BACK AT THIS CARD GIVEN ME BY HER, IT QUOTES FROM PROVERBS 17:17 "A FRIEND LOVES AT ALL TIMES" WELL IT ACTUALLY CONTINUES WITH "BUT A BROTHER WAS BORN FOR ADVERSITY"...HOW TRUE IT IS INDEED...
I NEED TIME,TIME SPENT WITH GOD IN HIS PRESENCE AS MY EMOTIONS IS VEXED.